Archive for January, 2013

What Ifs…

Friday, January 25th, 2013

Everyone has wishes for the New Year. I thought I would add some What Ifs…

We all have had those days where one hardship happens after another. At some point we might have been inclined to say, “What else can happen!?!” Instead of thinking about the next hardship that might be around the corner you might think instead about what GOOD THING could happen next. By changing the focus from the negative to the positive we change our thinking patterns to look for the good instead of the bad. This new thinking shapes our life in mysterious ways. Positive thought seems to beget positive happenings in life. Watch for it! It truly is amazing. Here are some “what ifs” to challenge you to think and act in new ways.

What If… you take one thought or action that you fear and overcome it? The first step to do this is to think about your fear. For example, if you fear making the first step in meeting people you think about it and decide a good way to say hello to a stranger. Then the next step is to take the initiative to say hello. A true life story: when my husband and I moved to our new neighborhood last year we threw a block party just to meet people. I was amazed how people who had lived next door to each other had never met and they had kids the same age! No one wanted to take the first step, or make the first attempt at risking getting to know each other. (more…)

Do You Own Your Domain Name?

Friday, January 18th, 2013

Have you ever heard that things come in three’s?  This week three different times I found myself discussing the ins and outs of domain name ownership. Domain names are tricky little buggers and the process can get confusing. To help clear up some questions here are some things you need to know.

First you must determine if you own your domain name. Just because a domain name has been used on your website does not mean you own it. You only own your domain name if the registrant is listed under your name. Just this week a person I was speaking too was upset (and rightly so) because he found out his previous website vendor had registered his domain name in the name of the website company. The vendor was holding his domain name hostage and did not want to turn it over to the owner of the business. The business owner was flabbergasted. He said, “I have started this company, I own the company that name should be MINE.” Yes, however, in the eyes of the register companies the person whose name is listed as the owner is the legal owner. Period. The only way around this issue is if your business name is trademarked. Then the person who holds your domain name has to sell it back to you at cost. (more…)

How Would You Rate Your Funeral Home?

Friday, January 11th, 2013

When Renee lost her little girl, the funeral director she chose for the service brought her books about loss that he selected specifically for Renee and her children. This kind, caring man proceeded to tell Renee that the outpouring of support from her church and community was so immense that everything would be taken care of. In the months that followed her tragedy, he called to check in on Renee and her family. When she ran into him a year later at a school sporting event, he threw his arms around her and asked how she and each of her other children (whom he called by name) were doing.

Renee’s experience was exemplary, but not everyone has the same kind of compassionate care. We recently asked on our Facebook page at facebook.com/mygriefsupport “How was your grieving experience affected by the care you received at your funeral home?” Here were some of the responses.

When Therese’s son died, she was met at the door by an efficient but cold man, whose first words to her were, “And what was your son’s name?” After she managed to choke out her response, she was led directly to the caskets in the back of the funeral home where she was instructed to pick one out. (more…)

Do’s & Don’ts

Friday, January 4th, 2013

Since people in our culture have not had much opportunity to be socialized regarding how to act at a funeral or how to be helpful to the bereaved, it falls upon professionals to assist people in these areas.

Below is a list that can be copied and given out at services, left at churches or presented in school classrooms. In the instances of particularly harsh or draining deaths, I would suggest that information about that loss is placed first on the handout. This helps the people who are grieving so that they do not have to repeat the same story ad nausea.

People on Beyond Indigo (www.beyondindigo.com) have told us repeatedly things that were NOT helpful for them while they were grieving.

Don’t Talk About God: Please don’t tell us our loved one is with God. We really would rather have our loved one still here with us on earth. Especially in the case of a deceased child the reminder he/she is not with us just hurts us more.

Don’t Bring A Ham: Right at the time of loss everyone feels like bringing us a meal. Please, if you know we have food to feed an army save your generosity for another time. I will be grieving for three to seven years. A meal will be really nice once everyone leaves after the funeral. (more…)