What Ifs…

January 25th, 2013

Everyone has wishes for the New Year. I thought I would add some What Ifs…

We all have had those days where one hardship happens after another. At some point we might have been inclined to say, “What else can happen!?!” Instead of thinking about the next hardship that might be around the corner you might think instead about what GOOD THING could happen next. By changing the focus from the negative to the positive we change our thinking patterns to look for the good instead of the bad. This new thinking shapes our life in mysterious ways. Positive thought seems to beget positive happenings in life. Watch for it! It truly is amazing. Here are some “what ifs” to challenge you to think and act in new ways.

What If… you take one thought or action that you fear and overcome it? The first step to do this is to think about your fear. For example, if you fear making the first step in meeting people you think about it and decide a good way to say hello to a stranger. Then the next step is to take the initiative to say hello. A true life story: when my husband and I moved to our new neighborhood last year we threw a block party just to meet people. I was amazed how people who had lived next door to each other had never met and they had kids the same age! No one wanted to take the first step, or make the first attempt at risking getting to know each other. Read the rest of this entry »

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Do You Own Your Domain Name?

January 18th, 2013

Have you ever heard that things come in three’s?  This week three different times I found myself discussing the ins and outs of domain name ownership. Domain names are tricky little buggers and the process can get confusing. To help clear up some questions here are some things you need to know.

First you must determine if you own your domain name. Just because a domain name has been used on your website does not mean you own it. You only own your domain name if the registrant is listed under your name. Just this week a person I was speaking too was upset (and rightly so) because he found out his previous website vendor had registered his domain name in the name of the website company. The vendor was holding his domain name hostage and did not want to turn it over to the owner of the business. The business owner was flabbergasted. He said, “I have started this company, I own the company that name should be MINE.” Yes, however, in the eyes of the register companies the person whose name is listed as the owner is the legal owner. Period. The only way around this issue is if your business name is trademarked. Then the person who holds your domain name has to sell it back to you at cost. Read the rest of this entry »

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How Would You Rate Your Funeral Home?

January 11th, 2013

When Renee lost her little girl, the funeral director she chose for the service brought her books about loss that he selected specifically for Renee and her children. This kind, caring man proceeded to tell Renee that the outpouring of support from her church and community was so immense that everything would be taken care of. In the months that followed her tragedy, he called to check in on Renee and her family. When she ran into him a year later at a school sporting event, he threw his arms around her and asked how she and each of her other children (whom he called by name) were doing.

Renee’s experience was exemplary, but not everyone has the same kind of compassionate care. We recently asked on our Facebook page at facebook.com/mygriefsupport “How was your grieving experience affected by the care you received at your funeral home?” Here were some of the responses.

When Therese’s son died, she was met at the door by an efficient but cold man, whose first words to her were, “And what was your son’s name?” After she managed to choke out her response, she was led directly to the caskets in the back of the funeral home where she was instructed to pick one out. Read the rest of this entry »

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Do’s & Don’ts

January 4th, 2013

Since people in our culture have not had much opportunity to be socialized regarding how to act at a funeral or how to be helpful to the bereaved, it falls upon professionals to assist people in these areas.

Below is a list that can be copied and given out at services, left at churches or presented in school classrooms. In the instances of particularly harsh or draining deaths, I would suggest that information about that loss is placed first on the handout. This helps the people who are grieving so that they do not have to repeat the same story ad nausea.

People on Beyond Indigo (www.beyondindigo.com) have told us repeatedly things that were NOT helpful for them while they were grieving.

Don’t Talk About God: Please don’t tell us our loved one is with God. We really would rather have our loved one still here with us on earth. Especially in the case of a deceased child the reminder he/she is not with us just hurts us more.

Don’t Bring A Ham: Right at the time of loss everyone feels like bringing us a meal. Please, if you know we have food to feed an army save your generosity for another time. I will be grieving for three to seven years. A meal will be really nice once everyone leaves after the funeral. Read the rest of this entry »

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The Simplicity of Blessings

December 28th, 2012

Question: The winter months can be so dreary, especially in the states that have snow. Even the thought of death can be depressing, especially in combination with the winter months, and it all seems almost too much at times. Is there something I can focus on that will help me see the blessings of life and not the tragedies that fill my funeral home?

Answer:  Death can make us aware of the importance of life. When a person is a funeral director, he or she is surrounded by death. Many blessings can arise out of grief. As a society, we most often focus on the negative aspects of death. At Beyond Indigo (www.beyondindigo.com) we choose to focus on the positive aspects of death. Here are some things I have learned that might help you and your families:

Everyday Life: Grief often brings into focus our daily life that we assume will “always” be the same. What we might take for granted now can come into full bloom when contrasted with death. Our families, our loved ones and our health start taking on far more importance and they are treasured far more. Material concerns have a chance during a loss to take a second seat. We get back to basics and realize what we have is good. What a blessing.

Hidden Angels: People can be a blessing. As we walk through our grief journey people come into our lives to help ease our pain. A member of Beyond Indigo wrote: Read the rest of this entry »

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Grief Support Makes a Difference

December 21st, 2012

Question: Does grief support really make a difference? Our funeral home is trying to decide how we can help. However, we are not grief therapists. Is it our place to help people grieve after the loss of a loved one?

Answer:  People on Beyond Indigo tend to be vocal about grief support and their needs. One was brought to our attention years ago when someone told us, “Where were you eight months ago when mom died? Why weren’t your services offered at our funeral home?”  Thus we suggested to funeral home owners that offering grief support at the time of need was a great idea — especially when our members were telling us this is what they wanted!

Grief support is necessary and it does make a difference. We had a member write in:

“I believe this site saved my marriage, quite possibly even my life, but most definitely my sanity. Lasting friendships have been made and I have learned so much about people. Sooner or later everyone will be touched by death, having a website like this where you can direct someone is just a God-send. Kelly, thank you ever so much.”

What worked for her? We have found that people need a place to find out that they are: Read the rest of this entry »

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Getting Through the Holidays

December 11th, 2012

The holiday season is a warmly anticipated time for many of us, but after a profound loss, it can be extremely difficult. We asked members of our Facebook page (facebook.com/mygriefsupport) “How hard are the upcoming holidays on you? Do you do anything in memory of your lost loved one?”

Susannah started a new tradition. “We hang a new, special ornament, on our tree for our daughter,” she said. “This will be our fourth Christmas without her. The first year was unbearable, but each year got a bit softer.”

Debbie recalled that first tough year. “I had decided not to put up a tree for the first time in my life the first Christmas after losing my daughter and grandson six years ago,” she said. “But I was in the parking lot of a shopping center, and they were giving away free trees. My friend encouraged me to take one, and I did. It was the best thing I could have done because my home looked like it had always done during the season. I realized, too, how important it was for my surviving child, my son, who was also grieving and suffering deeply, to be able to feel that we were going to continue our family traditions. We have lovely ornaments dedicated to them, and I always take out the cards I received from them throughout the years, which makes me feel they are still connecting. The season will never be the same without them, but we are now able to enjoy and create new memories, especially with my two-year-old granddaughter, who is a precious gift to us all.”

Rachel said, “[M]y son’s death day is right around Thanksgiving (next year it will fall on Thanksgiving Day), and his birthday is two days after Christmas. His dad, sister and I always have a place at the holiday tables for him, and we always will remember him.”

Other suggestions for surviving the holidays include volunteering at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter, traveling, and adopting new traditions. Would you like to add your own thoughts or reflections into this conversation? If so, please visit our Grieving.com forums and Facebook.com/mygriefsupport.

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Moving On

November 28th, 2012

Question: After the funeral is over, families and friends resume their normal lives leaving many widows or widowers adrift in a home full of memories. Often their homes are packed full of things that need to be sorted through and given away. Some widows and widowers choose to move to another domicile due to finances or to be nearer to family members. This task often appears overwhelming. How do they tackle this big hurdle of moving or cleaning out their home? Any suggestions?

Answer: When a loved one dies a person usually suffers multiple losses. Part of these losses requires changing the way he/she lived before the loss to make a new life after the death. At some point, people are going to make this change by moving, or giving away items. They may need to sell possessions to make ends meet. This can be an extremely daunting task. Here are some suggestions that might help your families.

  1. Before A Death: If you are anticipating the death of a loved one, and it seems appropriate, discuss your future plans before he or she dies. Get their opinion. Talk to them about your ideas. Let them help you decide what personal items should go to people and/or organizations.
  1. Determine if a move is really necessary: Consult with a financial planner/CPA/relatives. Look at income and expenses to decide what the best possible method of living for you will be.
  1. Moving is a big change. Death is a big change. If possible, do not try to move closely on the heels of your loss. If possible, give time for the dust to settle, for a new routine to develop, and to look at places you want to go. Time will give you a more objective view of your situation.
  1. Make A List: Make a list of all the things you want to accomplish within the next year regarding your housing situation. Be specific. Make goals month by month. Enlist a “helper” to give you support. This could be someone to tell about your goals, and to help chart your progress each month. Look for someone to come into your domicile to help you organize, lift, sort, and remove.
  1. Inviting Friends & Family: If your loved one has died recently, invite friends and family over to take mementos NOW that belonged to that person. Have them go through clothes, tools, kitchen appliances, hobby materials, etc. and take what they want. Give the rest away to a worthy organization. Many organizations will come to your home and pick items up from the curb.
  1. Cleaning House: Prepare for your move by throwing lots of unnecessary things away. Think in terms of recycling vs. giving or throwing away. That is, if someone else can use it, that has recycle value. If not, throw it out to make room for fresh air and space in the rooms as well as your emotions.
  1. Thinking About The Move: Take this opportunity to look at your lifestyle. Do you like to golf, swim, play cards, or socialize? Any one of those types of activities could determine the type of housing looked at for a future place to live. Do you like a religiously oriented community? Do you want to share meals with other people?
  1. Your intuition: When considering any changes, remember to listen to your intuition, and let yourself be ruled not only by what your “head” says you should do, but by what your “heart” or “gut” tells you is the best choice for you. Ultimately, no matter how much advice you get from others, the choices to make changes are yours, and you can reach inside yourself to find the right answers.

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Fasten Your Seatbelts – Google Changed Again

October 25th, 2012

Just as we were enjoying our summer, Google went quietly about making some significant changes to its algorithm that heavily impacts local businesses. If you want to understand how to keep being “seen” in Google, these new changes must be adapted in your practice’s online marketing program.

First Change: Google Search Results Went Hybrid

This past year, when we used Google for an online search, the results would show paid advertising at the top or far right (which only 25% of people click on), with local search results shown next — listed in packs of 7 or 10 and accompanied by corresponding map markers starting with the letter “A,”, followed by organic (non-local) results. Google has now integrated organic and local search results together, which currently display on the search results page in varying ways — in packs of 3, 5 or 7 for example, depending on the search query. Search results are still formatted with paid advertising at the top or right under the map on the results page, but you’ll now see organic results listed BEFORE, and blended with, local search results. How does a business become listed in this new hybrid format and at the top of local search results? What we have learned is to focus on the following:

  1. It is crucial to have a custom-designed website that can be optimized (coded) down to the page with local search terms, specific relevant industry keywords (funeral, cremation, obituary.), and appropriate geographic regional terms.
  1. When choosing location keywords, check how close your business is to the center of the city. To do this, go to Google Maps (maps.google.com) and type in your city and state; e.g., Minneapolis MN. Google will then display a marker on the map with the letter “A” — where it considers the center of the city to be located. This letter “A” is what Google calls the “centroid.” The closer your business is to the this centroid, the more “votes” your local business listing receives toward being near the top of local search results for that city. With this approach, Google is attempting to make the search experience most relevant to the searcher’s query.
  1. Plentiful (five or more) positive online reviews help maintain good positioning in Google Local Search. Google purchased the Zagat review site and is now incorporating these reviews into Google local listings. Reviews are becoming increasingly important. Having reviews associated with your business listing is yet another key ranking factor and one of the many signals Google looks for.

Second Change: Google Changed Mobile Search

Estimates indicate that by 2014–2015, more searches for information will be conducted on mobile devices then on a computer. Google has already started to adapt to this change by integrating online reviews with local search results for mobile devices. To see how this works, pick up a smart phone and search for your town, state, and funeral homes (example: Maple Grove MN funeral homes). Google shows a list of search results for this query. When a searcher clicks on one of the businesses listed, Google sends the searcher to information that is from the Google+ Local pages, including associated reviews for this business listing.

Many funeral homes I have seen are struggling with online reviews, claiming their Google+ Local page, and actively monitoring and engaging with people in this format. However, Google just forced your hand from reluctance to action. If your business doesn’t take control of it’s local listing page, encourage positive reviews, and interact with your customers in this arena, then searchers will see whatever Google happens to display on this page. Whether it is accurate, positive, engaging, or not — searchers will make their decision on credibility based on what they view. What does your listing say about you? The first step is to claim your business listing at www.google.com/placesforbusiness.

Third Change: Google Merged Google Places, Google+, and Zagat

Google recently began changing Google Local listings to Google+ Local, meaning it’s in the process of merging the Google+ interface with Google Places/local search listings. In addition, Google has now integrated Zagat and it’s way of rating businesses. Reviews on Google formerly used a star rating from 1 to 5 stars. The rating system has now changed to Zagat’s method, which is based on  a number system of 0 to 3 for individual reviews. Google takes these ratings, averages them, and then multiplies by 10 to arrive at an overall score.

These major changes are all happening at the same time. What does it mean for your business?

  1. Take the time to set up your Google+ page, since it also affects your Google+ Local area. Keep an eye on this area, as Google will continue making modifications as it rolls out the integration of these three platforms.
  1. Make sure you’ve chosen the most relevant category for your business listing, add any appropriate information as well as photos,, encourage positive reviews, and respond in a professional, educational fashion to negative reviews.

Finally, remember that your online marketing program is like driving a car. You need to know how to drive the car and fill it with gas, as well as know when to take it in for an oil change — but you’re not expected to build the car.

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Content – Treat It Like Royalty

October 4th, 2012

Yawn—content is so boring, right? Why should we care about content? Throw a few words up on the page, call it good, and move on. Hold on! Not so fast. Content is the star player in any online marketing program. Key functions of content are:

  1. Search Engine Optimization Placement: Content plays a major role in how/where your website is placed on Google. In February 2011, Google made a change to its algorithm, emphasizing high-quality content as a key search engine optimization requirement. This change was called Panda. Bottom line—template content is out and original content http://www.beyondfunerals.com/blog/2012/10/content-–-trea…t-like-royaltyis now “in.”
  2. Education: As consumers, we know about cars, food products, cleaning products, and beer because of the amount of advertising we have seen on these subjects. However, we know minuscule amounts of information about funeral homes and their services and why we should pay for it. We just know as a family member that we “sorta need it.” The job of content is to educate people about what the service is, the benefits of the services, and, frankly, why people should pay to have that service conducted.
  3. Engagement: If the content on your Internet marketing platforms is stale, boring, flat, and so on, then why should the consumer read it? The content needs to be written correctly in the proper style for the platform (website, Facebook, blogs, Twitter, Pinterest, eNewsletter, YouTube, newsletters, and so on) where it is placed, and it needs to ENGAGE the reader. If the content is not compelling, why should the consumer read it and, more importantly, why should they come back?

Placement for Engagement

Multiple times I have been asked: “Can I write the content once and copy and paste it across all my platforms?” No. Resist this urge to write material once, check the box, and just plaster it out there willy-nilly. You will lose your audience. Each platform has its own style and guidelines for the way content should be displayed, the length, and the tone of how it is delivered. Sure, the message across all the platforms can and should be the same, but the exact content in each place needs to be avoided. General guidelines are as follows:

  1. Online Review Areas: Everywhere people can leave you reviews online must be managed and monitored. The content on these pages needs to be accurate and updated on a regular basis. Once a review is left, then a thank you note needs to be given for positive reviews and an educational note placed for a crabby review. Each thank you/educational note needs to be unique to the post and should not be a standard reply.
  2. Website: Most funeral directors websites I see fall down on the job when explaining the services they offer and why people should use them. Website content needs to be 400 to 500 words per page, needs to educate the family member on what the facility does and why they provide those services, and it needs to be optimized (coded) to be found in Google. The content style needs to be informative and educational in nature. Because protocols do not change every week in the funeral home, do not expect to change content about what services you provide on a constant basis. Instead, a blog should be used for weekly educational updates. 
  3. Blog: Confusion reigns over what in the heck a blog is. Think of it as an online magazine that is educational in nature. Resist putting cute updates about the office pet on a blog (those type of updates go on Facebook/social media). Focus on short paragraphs, bullet points, and easy to understand educational topics that are timely. For example, during the holidays would be a post about reaching out to loved ones especially the elderly.
  4. Social Media Platforms: A good framework for the tone and style of social media is a coffee shop. Conversations on social media areas are fun, chit chatty, ongoing conversations with a hint of education thrown in for flavor. Numerous times I have heard funeral directors say they wrote a beautiful article that is educational in nature and are disappointment nobody thought it was useful on Facebook. However, the picture of the office cat doing something cute went viral. The educational piece is great but needs to be placed on a blog. Correct placement is everything with content.

Monitor Its Success

Marketing needs to be monitored to make sure it is generating the results that are desired. Are people engaging with the content? Are they reading it? Is the post/page/tweet being passed to other people? To find out, monitor the statistics. Each platform mentioned above has its own statistics program that is included or can be added to determine the success of the created content. Monitoring, adjusting, and changing the content based on results is an ongoing process—but a necessary one.

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